Negative thoughts are normal. Your brain is wired to scan for threats, a skill that’s helped humans survive. But when those thoughts take over, they can do more harm than good.
Over time, unbalanced mental habits can affect your teen's mood, motivation, sleep, relationships, and even their physical health. The good news? They don’t have to believe every thought that pops into their head. And they can train their brain to think in more supportive ways.
What Are Unhealthy Thought Patterns?
Your teen can develop certain mental habits, or cognitive distortions, that shape how they feel and act. These “thinking errors” are common in anxiety, depression, and high-stress situations.
They become a problem when they happen too often, are extreme, or don’t match what’s really going on. Some examples include:
All-or-nothing thinking. Also called black-and-white thinking, this is when you see things as either a total success or total failure. There’s no in-between. Example: If I didn’t get everything done, the whole day was a waste.
Catastrophizing. You jump to the worst possible outcome, even if there's no solid evidence. Example: I have a growth on my skin. It’s probably cancer, and I’m going to die.
Mindreading. When you assume you know what other people are thinking, and that what they’re thinking is bad. Example: My friend hasn’t responded to my text in a few days. She must be mad at me or thinks I’m annoying.
Mental filtering. Only seeing what went wrong and ignoring what went right. Example: Several people praised my schoolwork, but one person gave feedback on how I could improve. I clearly did a bad job.
Labeling. Thinking one mistake means you always mess up. Example: I lost my temper with my friend this morning. I’m a terrible person.
Personalization. Blaming yourself for things you didn’t cause or that aren’t fully in your control. Example: My friend cancelled plans with me today -- — it must be because they don't like me.
Emotional reasoning. When you believe something is true just because it feels true. Example: I feel anxious, so something must be wrong.
Overgeneralization. You believe one bad thing means everything will go wrong. Example: My mom yelled at me today — our relationship is probably ruined forever.
Should statements. You hold yourself to rigid rules. Example: I should be better at managing stress. Everyone else seems to be able to handle their emotions.
Disqualifying the positive. You downplay your successes or good experiences. Example: I did a good job this time, but it was just luck.
These thinking traps may show up in areas tied to your deepest insecurities. For some teens, that social situations or social media. For others, it’s school or sports. It usually depends on your “core beliefs.”
These often fall into two groups:
- “I’m not loveable” or “I always need approval”
- “I’m not in control” or "I'm never good enough”
These unhealthy thoughts don’t just vanish when your teen notices them. They have to unlearn them and replace them with healthier ways to think.
When Do Negative Thoughts Become Unhealthy?
Some negative thoughts can be productive. For example: “I made a mistake. I’ll make sure to double-check my work next time.” But when you go from that to: “I’ll get fired. I’m terrible at my job,” your teen's brain has likely over-corrected.
Signs your teen's thoughts might be unhelpful:
- They ruminate, or replay the same worry again and again.
- They stop doing things they used to enjoy.
- They feel overwhelmed, frozen, or hopeless.
- They avoid people or responsibilities.
- They won’t try anything new due to fear of failure.
Hidden signs to watch for:
- They're easily irritated or snap at loved ones.
- They get more headaches or stomach issues.
- They overeat or lose their appetite.
- Their body always feels tense or sore.
- They have trouble falling or staying asleep.
One big clue: Their thoughts don’t feel optional and they stress your teen out. They may scan for the worst-case scenario and convince theirself it’s “just to be prepared.” But living in constant problem-solving mode without resolution can drain your teen's mental and physical energy.
Chronic stress doesn’t just wear your teen out, it can also change their brain chemistry, affect their immune system, and disrupt their sleep. But there’s a flip side: Learning to reframe their thoughts can help them relax, improve their sleep, and even lower their perception of pain.
How Do You Reframe Unhelpful Thoughts?
Several kinds of therapy can teach your teen to catch, question, and shift distorted thinking. Some people focus on thoughts first, others start with behavior. Both routes can work.
Examples include:
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
CBT is one of the most well-studied and widely used treatments for anxiety and depression. It’s based on the idea that your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are linked. Change one, and the others often follow.
CBT helps your teen:
- Spot distorted thinking
- Ask whether it’s true or helpful
- Replace it with more realistic thoughts
- Act based on healthier beliefs
When your teen notices a negative thought, they can ask theirself:
- What’s the evidence for this thought?
- What would I tell a friend in this situation?
- What are the chances this bad thing will happen?
- What’s the most likely outcome?
- What is the best thing that might happen?
At first, this process might seem like a lot of work. But it becomes more automatic the more they do it.
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
If positive thinking feels fake or CBT feels like too much mental gymnastics, ACT might be a better fit. This approach helps your teen notice thoughts without judging or trying to change them and then focus on what matters to them (family, friends, purpose).
ACT is based on the idea that things like pain, grief, anxiety, and tough emotions are part of being human. The goal isn’t to get rid of those feelings. It’s to build psychological flexibility. That’s the ability to stay grounded and focused on your values, even when life gets hard.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
In DBT, your teen learns how to stay present, handle stress, manage emotions, and build healthier relationships. These skills can help them recognize and shift unhealthy thoughts so they can respond more calmly and feel more in control.
DBT teach skills in four main areas:
- Emotion regulation
- Distress tolerance
- Mindfulness
- Interpersonal relationships
It may be especially helpful if your teen feels out of control with their emotions, or they have intense mood swings, or suicidal thoughts.
Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT)
MBCT blends CBT with mindfulness practice. Your teen learns to sit with negative thoughts instead of reacting to them. This helps them catch unhealthy thought loops before they spiral.
MBCT teaches your teen to:
- Notice thoughts without judgment
- Pay attention to their body
- Sit with uncomfortable emotions
- Stay grounded in the present
MBCT can be especially helpful for people with recurring depression.
How to Shift Unhealthy Thoughts in Daily Life
Reframing is a skill. Think of it like lifting weights. It’s hard at first, but it gets easier with practice. And the benefits can be long-lasting. Here are some steps for your teen to try.
Start with awareness
If they feel off, tense, or snappy, pause. Ask: “What am I thinking right now?” Many of us don’t even realize our thoughts are negative. Awareness is step one.
Fact-check the thought
When something stressful runs through their mind, they take a moment to step back. They ask themself if it’s true or just based on a feeling. This quick mental check can help them break the cycle before it takes over.
Focus on what you can control
Your teen draws two circles. One is for things they can control. The other is for what they can’t. They put their energy into the first one. That might mean taking a walk, showing up for therapy, or calling a friend. Encourage them to not obsess over every possible “what-if” scenario.
Be kind to yourself
Self-compassion means being kind and understanding with yourself during hard times or when you make mistakes. Studies show that it’s a skill you can learn and improve.
Teens who practice self-compassion tend to have:
- Less depression, stress, and burnout
- Better mental and physical health
- A stronger sense of well-being
It also helps protect your teen against stress and builds resilience, both mentally and physically.
Try behavioral activation
If positive self-talk feels fake to your teen, let them skip it. Focus on behavior. They can do one helpful thing each day. Over time, that can change how they feel and think about themself.
Their thoughts might shift if they try the following:
- Go for a walk
- Make their bed
- Volunteer in person
- Think about things that are going well
- Meet a friend for a coffee or snack
- Play with a pet
The goal isn’t for them to accomplish everything right away. They can start with one small step, and then let action lead to motivation.
When to Get Help
It’s OK for your teen to have negative thoughts. But consider getting professional help for your teen if their thoughts:
- Interfere with their school or relationships
- Keep them up at night
- Make them feel stuck
- Lead to thoughts of self-harm
A few therapy sessions may be all it takes to reset your teen's perspective. If they need help right away, call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, or visit 988lifeline.org.
Reframing Negative Thoughts FAQs
- Is it normal to have negative thoughts?
Yes. Everyone has negative thoughts. That’s just part of how the brain works. These thoughts only become a problem when they stick around, take over, or stop you from living your life the way you want.
- Should my teen try to get rid of all their negative thoughts?
No. That’s not realistic or helpful. The goal isn’t to have only positive thoughts. It’s for your teen to notice when their thoughts are wrong or unhelpful and learn to shift them. Some negative thoughts serve a purpose. But if they’re making your teen feel bad, therapy can help them respond differently.
- How can my teen tell the difference between a helpful negative thought and a harmful one?
It depends on whether the thought helps them take a productive action or keeps them worrying about the same thing without ever solving the problem. For example, if a thought leads them to do something useful, like prepare for a presentation at school, that’s helpful. But if they're so worried about failing that they can’t get started, that’s unhelpful.
- Why does reframing thoughts matter for mental health?
Unhealthy thinking patterns can feed anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms. Shifting thoughts can lower your teen's stress, help them sleep better, and improve their overall well-being.
- What if positive self-talk feels fake to my teen?
They're not alone. Some people feel silly trying to say nice things to themselves. If that sounds like your teen, they can focus on actions instead. They can do one thing that aligns with their values or goals. Over time, healthy behaviors can help shift their thoughts.
- Can changing unhealthy thoughts really help if my teen isn't clinically depressed or anxious?
Yes. Your teen doesn't have to meet a diagnostic label to benefit from therapy. Anyone can benefit from learning to manage stress and improve their outlook. Sometimes a few sessions is all it takes.
- What if my teen doesn't notice their negative thoughts?
They can start with their body. If their shoulders are tense, their stomach hurts, or their sleep is off, those are signs something might be going on mentally. When they notice those signals, they can pause and ask: “What was I just thinking?” That moment of awareness is often the first step toward change.
Show Sources
Photo Credit: Moment/Getty Images
SOURCES:
Timothy Pearman, PhD, ABPP, director of supportive oncology, Robert H. Lurie Comprehensive Cancer Center; professor, department of medical social sciences and psychiatry & behavioral sciences, Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.
NHS (UK): “Reframing unhelpful thoughts.”
Europe’s Journal of Psychology: “Cognitive Distortions, Humor Styles, and Depression.”
Journal of Clinical Medicine: “Investigation of Cognitive Distortions in Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder.”
Harvard Health Publishing: “How to recognize and tame your cognitive distortions.”
American Medical Association: “What doctors wish patients knew about stopping catastrophic thoughts.”
Psychotherapy: “Cognitive Restructuring and Psychotherapy Outcome: A Meta-Analytic Review.”
Neurotherapeutics: “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: A Transdiagnostic Behavioral Intervention for Mental Health and Medical Conditions.”
Yale Medicine: “Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).”
Psychiatric Clinics of North America: “Mindfulness-Based Interventions for Anxiety and Depression.”
Mindfulness: “Self-compassion as a Stress Moderator: A Cross-sectional Study of 1700 Doctors, Nurses, and Medical Students.
