If you've just found out that your partner has HIV, you probably have a lot of questions running through your mind. Am I infected or at risk of infection? Can we stay together and keep having sex? What about kissing or sharing food or a toothbrush? What do I need to do now to take care of myself? How can I help my partner?
It's important for both of you that your partner gets the care that they need now. You'll need testing, care, and support to work through your concerns and protect your health, too.
How Do I Know If I Have HIV?
HIV is a virus that can spread through unprotected anal or vaginal sex. You can also get it if you share needles with an infected person. It's possible but a lot less likely to get HIV from oral sex.
It's very unlikely to get HIV from things like kissing or sharing a toothbrush because HIV isn't in saliva, tears, or sweat. And you won't get it if you share a toilet, food, or dishes with someone who is HIV-positive.
If you and your partner are sexually active or you come into contact with bodily fluids, including blood, semen, or vaginal fluid, then you're at risk of HIV infection. There's only one way to know if you have HIV, and that's to get tested.
Your HIV status is crucial for you to decide what you need to do next to protect yourself and others you care about. When you get tested, make sure you let the clinic know that your partner has HIV. This will help your doctors choose the best HIV test to use. They can also connect you with an HIV counselor and other resources to help you.
If the Test Is Negative, Does That Mean I Don't Have HIV?
Most HIV tests look for antibodies and antigens (special HIV markers). In most people, those antibodies take at least three weeks to develop. Sometimes they take 12 weeks to appear.
Your doctor may also order another type of test called a nucleic acid test (NAT). The NAT looks for the actual virus, not just markers, by searching for HIV gene material in your blood. This test can tell your doctor if you're infected and how much virus is present.
If your test comes back negative, that's good news. But it's still possible you have the virus and it hasn't yet shown up. You should take extra steps to protect yourself and others and have a doctor test you again in three months to make sure.
What if We Just Had Sex?
If you had unprotected sex or shared needles with your partner in the last 72 hours, tell your doctor. They may prescribe medicine for you to help prevent infection.
Doctors call this emergency treatment PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis). It doesn't always work, so you should use condoms and take other steps to protect yourself and others while you're taking it.
Can I Stay With My Partner and Protect Myself From HIV?
Yes. Many people who are HIV-positive are in long-term relationships with people who don't have HIV. Your doctors and HIV counselors can help you work through the best ways to protect yourself.
The only surefire way to prevent HIV is to not have sex or share needles. But there are many ways you can lower your risk even when your partner has the virus. Here are some tips:
Choose less risky sex. Anal sex comes with the greatest risk of transmitting HIV. It's a lot riskier when the HIV-negative partner is the one who receives.
Vaginal sex is safer than anal sex, but still comes with risks. It's much less likely that you can pass on HIV through oral sex and almost impossible with touching.
Use condoms. It's important to use condoms the right way every time you have anal or vaginal sex. To help keep the condom from slipping or breaking, use a water-based or silicone lubricant.
Take medication. A doctor can prescribe an antiretroviral medicine to help protect you from getting HIV. It can be taken by mouth daily, or as a shot every two months or twice a year. They call it PrEP (preexposure prophylaxis).
For PrEP to work, you must take it as prescribed and not miss a dose. It can lessen the risk of spreading the virus through sex by 99%. PrEP cuts the risk of getting HIV from sharing needles by 74%. Condoms are still a good idea in case you forget to take your medicine.
Make sure your partner takes their medicine. HIV treatment can keep your partner healthy. It also can lower or even do away with your risk of HIV infection. That's because antiretroviral medicines can bring down the virus in your partner's bodily fluids to levels that can't be measured (called an undetectable viral load).
If your partner is taking their medications and has an undetectable viral load, they can't pass HIV through sexual contact (but the virus may be passed by sharing needles and other drug paraphernalia).
What If I Test Positive?
Despite lots of research, there's still no cure for HIV. But treatments can help you manage the virus and live a long, healthy life. Your doctor can help you decide which antiretroviral medicines to take. You'll likely take your ART medicines every day.
It's also important that you tell anyone you've had sex or shared needles with besides your HIV-positive partner about your HIV status. They'll need testing, too.
